Wednesday, January 09, 2008

To everyone who thought we will break up in a couple of months last time, well, eat your words! haha... Its been 3 yrs. Long time or not?

Seriously to me its like very long... and within this period of time I feel like i've changed alot... I have no ideaif its good or bad, but inside me I know I am different... maybe some parts are still the same, but somethings I feel now is different.

I think he must have changed too. Just that he don't normally show his emotions. I admire the way he can be so simple... take things in stride... with him there is no pressure...

I know he is a great guy... but why do I feel something is missing, or maybe different from last time... I wish he feels it too... and will talk to me about it... Maybe he feels it but he is just trying to change it using action instead of talking... I should appreciate it....

Mentally I am so stress up recently... Wanna have a shoulder to lean on... or a person to escape with me to another place... even if just for a while.

I don't wanna leave you behind dear... but I really scare that I am drifting further and further from you.... I need that kind of very close feeling that we once had....

We understand each other so much... and accept things about each other... so can we find the feeling back?

Really love and misses you....

mIssIn9.yOu
[@]

2:31 pm

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Dear and I quarrel again... Recently many things happened... mostly my faults... And I am happy he gave me another chance... But I am damn sad now cos' I feel he dun care...

I was upset at the way he did things last night... and damn stress recently... so i dunno why I cried... but he totally never care...

I feel so sad... At least can ask me wats wrong... but he never...

In the end he left me alone and he go home...

Dear...

So many things le you still cant learn? Do you know what i need? I need to talk bout things... need to feel closer to you than anyone else... only then i can feel love...

I dunno will you look for me... but you know if you try... i will appreciate... I really wanna talk...

Miss you dear...

Labels: pain, tears

mIssIn9.yOu
[@]

8:35 pm

Saturday, November 03, 2007

After I told Jian Feng we can only be just friends ever... I have been frocusing on you, my dear dear... Dunno you can sense it anot? Hope u can...

Actually I know for quite some time we have been distant. Not as close as last time. Although last time was quite sad... full of quarrels... but at least I can sense that we care so much, that my heart is full of u... I miss that kind of feeling...

I believe we will get that feeling back... just need effort... so many guys around me... I know its hard on you... and I know I care too much for JF and you actually feel kind of unhappy... Sorry... I can be honest that until now I still do care alot for him and I still close with him... but don't worry cos' I am very very sure I won't do wrong things... Haha... We are just very gd friends even though he likes me...

Slowly and slowly I will not care so much... but sometimes I think to me I will always care for him... hope you don't mind... But even now we quarrel... I will not let it be too often... and both me n him trying not waste time when going out too... cos' we also wanna have fun more than quarrel... :p If once in a while we fight... hope you can don't mind and instead can console me... sometimes I will hu shi luan xiang a bit... haha... want a gd hug from you!

And I feel that after last week, I am closer to you le... Love sleeping beside you... I really hope my health is ok... dun want you all to worry... hope we get more time to talk too... long time no long chatting sessions... its helps understanding each other...

I going genting tomorrow night... I really hope to enjoy there... but I also know I will think of you... Hope you do the same... I love seeing you happy n laughing with friends... but I need to know that you are missing me too...

And, Happy 2yrs n 10mths!! So long le... does it makes you feel anything every 3rd? Don't you feel a very special kind of feeling that I cant even describe? I do... and I really love you...

Hope our love will be more passionate than ever, and hope we will have a good road in front!

Labels: dear, love, together

mIssIn9.yOu
[@]

5:12 am

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Once upon a time... 2 of us were silly little kids... in love yet don't know how to love...

2 yrs 9 mths later...

I realised so many things that I have done and reacted to are silly... And I realised how much I care about our things at that time... :) Boy do I love him.... Lots n lots...

I had been so bad, so not understanding... Sorry! my dear dear...

Really hope now you still love me as much... or even more... Haha... we can go back to last time tat passion and emotions, but this time with a lot more understanding.... I believe we can...

Fairy tale always has a happily-ever-after... So my silly prince n Princessron will be happily forever right? Our fairy tale shall never end! yay! haha...

now our lives are so much different from last time... but most important is we are both happy!

And I am glad my bf is you... I am lucky to have a guy who treasures friends as much as me treasure friends! n best of all, our friends are the same! haha...

Things are complicated with me... so sorry... but it's exciting right? hehe :p

Ok la... wanna sign off saying...

I love You, dear dear!

mIssIn9.yOu
[@]

5:29 am

Thursday, July 07, 2005

ok... i have no idea where to begin at all.... its like things are flooding on my mind, and i juz feel so stress.... i dun even know if its cos of the relationship anot....

after so long of being together.... 6 mths to be exact, so many thing s have changed... ahve happened... at many times, i wonder if i still like him.... if this is what i wan.... but we both have stay... like how some people stay on jobs they dun even know why.... we both have stay.... until 6 mths....

6mths leh... its not very long, but its long..... at least for someone like mi.... its my longest relationship so far.... but now things are juz too hard to mend....

we had another fight the other day... its getting so frequent... and so tiring.... i no longer feel like i'm being love.... or in love.... i feel like i'm struggling... to keep us floating.... and i feel really sad.... why? i ask myself ten thousand.... a million times.... why? i put my best for this relationship.... i cared..... and we had started off with so much laughters.... and now? all i get is silence at the other end of the phone.... all i get is a guy who doesnt treasure mi... who perhaps dun even care if i leave him...

when there's problems.... he will nv be the one approaching it.... he hangs his phone, keeps quiet... or simply refuses to talk bout it.... how can i keep a relationship like this going? when we go out... alone or with a friend... things are also so much different.... we are not like last time... not as close.... we dun always hold hands.... and even when we do.... it feels fake... i feel like his heart is not there.... when we watch movie.... we are quiet.... we dun talk.... we dun laugh... like before.... we dun behave like wat couples will.... and we are not even like we used to be before we like each other.... now, evrything is wrong.....

i feel terrible... its like i'm watching my love fading away before mi.... slowly dying away.... when i look at him now... i feel a heartache.... its like wat we used to have, its gone... maybe long gone...

we promised to give each other time... 1 and 1/2 weeks time... without any contact.... to see how... tat means to break or not.... even as i think of it... i feel like crying.... but at the same time i only feel like crying on his shoulders..... i miss the good old days.....

i dun wish for us to break.... but i dun wan a fake relationship anymore... i wan to feel happy... i wan to feel loved by someone i loved.... i dun wan to love without feeling its worth it anymore... so wat will be the outcome? we promised to let each other think... but after 2 days of thinking... i feel exactly the same.... ii wan a better relationship.... i wan him to changed... i wan him to realise wats wrong all these while.... but a large part of mi know that i'm asking for too much.... that its nearly impossible.... so wat will be the outcome? i really dunno.... i feel like knowing wats in his mind now... i dun wan to waste my time anymore....