Saturday, April 30, 2005

I dunno why....
but these few days I have been trying to relax.... take my mind off things between us.... but something seems to be telling mi to talk to him myself.... and when i told Jia xin... she also advises mi to face up to it and talk to him....

well... I'm still angry over that day.... who wun? but maybe both parties hiding away wun help... I have no idea what i should say to him.... but maybe we need to talk....

wat he has done.... he is avoiding it all... he juz pretends to be tired all the time... sleeping as an escape... but i know that wun make things better....

maybe its a small thing.... but i think there are some issues over here taht needs to be settle... honestly... i really dun like to wait for things to happen....

Sigh... so i think i have to talk to him no matter wat...

mIssIn9.yOu
[@]

11:45 am

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Sigh...
despite so many arguements and talking things through... and making up... we had a fight again.

Today, everything was going well... and we had intended to meet after his school, but when i called him, we changed plans to going for movie with our friends. Honestly, I dun mind going... and I did not pick a fight at all... however, when I just wanted to talk a while more on the phone, he dun wan... maybe he really thinks its nt good cos its Guo xiong's hp... but he was wrong... we had talk less then 30 mins, and I had enough reason not to hang up yet, cos i still have to wait for them for so long... Moreover, guo xiong later told me, he wun mind and he will only jokingly tease him tats all... he was the one who pick a fuss over nothing...

B'cos we argue, he turned so irresonable... at first he wanted to come to my house to pick mi up, which i think is fairly right since i will be kinda sian travelling so far... and he offered it himself... who knows, suddenly he changed his mind and said that he will only wait for mi at the Batok interchange... I was so pissed off! Really man.... this time round, I think I've got no wrong... So, i refused... and we argued and argued.... eventually, i gave way and said i will go to interchange, BUT he shall pay for my bus fare... haha... it was purposely on my part la... but i was pissed off, and he need to give way a bit too... but he turned more JERK... he said that he will not, and he will not even pay for my movie... and he ended up going to woodlands on his own...

he was already at Batok, but he purposely went back to woodlands without me! that, I can say, is definately unacceptable, and BAD.... but i still "ren"...
I went to woodlands, for guo xiong they all's sake.... i din wan to be seen as a person who go back on my words times and times.... if they had any misunderstanding of mi, it's time to stop....
so, i was on my way, and he called mi.... and he scolded me on the phone.... of cos i scolded him back.... and ended up he said he will not be there already, and he left.... So, when i reached, i was left alone cos the rest will meet mi later... and he purposely left mi alone, and did not care about mi or my feelings at all....

All these, are ENOUGH. I had enough... I dun wan to carry this burden anymore, and I dun wan to make silly efforts anymore.... i feel that these days that passed, i had put in enough effort.... wat i iwan, is not this....
And after talking to my friend Pauline.... she told mi to believe in GOD... and I decided to .... Sigh... of cos i still feel sad and angry.... but i think, its no use that i do anything.... let god decide...
so, we din contact tonight, and maybe for a long long time, we wun...
from now on, i need to focus on my life, and my own happiness...
I'll let GOD carry this burden for me, and I have to believe la.... GOD will show me a clear sign if things will work out.... Amen.

mIssIn9.yOu
[@]

11:36 pm

Sunday, April 17, 2005

in an blink of moi eye...

Haha... just trying to have a more creative starting.... haha... 3 months plus plus have passed for us... for this full of ups and even more downs relationship.... And boy.... am i filled with lots of thoughts....

Finally I've graduated from Mass Com. It's going to be the damn good starting of my life, and i intend to live- the fullest.

With this thought in my mind, it actually caused BIG problems for mi and my faith for this realtionship... Wat started out as juz a try, giving Nun jun a chance... become serious, i think for the both of us... wat had once been juz a try to see how lo.. had become a serious thingy... i consider where he is going to fit in in my new life... and i think about whether my future can contain him. Yessss.... i know that I am a little bit practical and maybe a bit too realistic.... but we are in a real world.... everything, including happiness depends on money and career... And I had so many doubts bout him making it.... hahaha.... and i tot about ending it all..... giving this relationship up....

GOD knows.... at first, I tried to end it for s0ooo many times... I told him i need a break... i told him he will be more happy without me.... i told him i had no time to wait for him..... i told him that leaving him might be the only sensible thing to do... and I really can do it when i said it.... cos I had picture a life without him, and how happier I'll be.... then....

however, time and time again.... he pulled me back.... hold me close... and tell me that he will not give up, that it was that something called LOVE he felt for me... it's hard to describe... but when in the arms of a emotional and strong guy... hearing what i usually hear in movies.... it's hard to leave... only i can feel the heartbeat of him then... it was no kidding... only i can hear his sobs.... only i can see the intensity in his eyes at that moment.... i had to leave and i want to leave.... but his words and his hands that were holding me.... told me not to.... they were assuring... time and time, asking me to believe that things will happen like a fairy tale.... the happily-ever-after.... but i wonder, can that be our ending?

despite my doubts.... i had forgive him time and time again....

but yesterday.... the first time, he was the one who wanted to leave.... and he was so determined... perhaps, juz like how i was like once.... he throw away our pictures... and he told me it's over... OVER.... that really cut me in the heart.... i wanted to walk away when i heard that.... but i jus sat there... thinking... perhaps he will walk away anytime soon.... but he din. Despite saying all the breakup lines.... and walking away... he was still there when i loooked up.... why din he leave?

when i looked at him, he turned away... juz shouting very very very louudly... for me to leave.... i really almost walk away.... but i jus sat there.... and i tried one last time....

i told him to listen to me and solve it since he had finally let mi know what he felt.....

Quite suddenly...perhaps GOD's blessing? He calmed down, and he listened.... we had a few shouts still.... but i know, at that point, that we are not going to break for sure.... haha... a 100% sure....

we talked.... and talked.... very sorry to poor Rofino, who was there waiting for mi... but in the end, we made up... and it was the old stupid way... kiss and made up.... haha.... he apologised...

i still cant forgive or forget what came out of his mouth last night.... perhaps.... i will never forget forever... but at least i think i can forgive... haha... but that depends on him... he will have to made it up to mi alot alot for that.... haha....

after thinking for the whole of today.... i really decide that i will not tolerate a similar incident again.... if it has to happen a second time... the moment he says break, i will leave..... know why i had to write this down? hahaha..... it's to remind myself! haha....

And i take what had happen as a new start.... i will believe him more.... but he will have to treat me better... and save his lousy attitude for others....

And now, I've jus become a christian.... ahaha.... so I hope that GOD will lead me in my life lo... haha.... amen...

Well, enough for all these.... going to start work soon lo... haha.... i really hope to learn useful things from this job.... haha... and i hope to befriend more people in this line.... haha... maybe I'll befriend SLY too!! haha....

And one last note.... I am really really glad to have ROfino and Jia xin as my frenz... haha.... although i always 'bully' u all.... ask Xinz to cook .... ask Rof to wait.... haha... but actually I .........
love u guys de la.... haha.... muack~~

~Sharon_de_Princess~This's_my_life~Live_it~Cheers:)