Thursday, April 28, 2005

Sigh...
despite so many arguements and talking things through... and making up... we had a fight again.

Today, everything was going well... and we had intended to meet after his school, but when i called him, we changed plans to going for movie with our friends. Honestly, I dun mind going... and I did not pick a fight at all... however, when I just wanted to talk a while more on the phone, he dun wan... maybe he really thinks its nt good cos its Guo xiong's hp... but he was wrong... we had talk less then 30 mins, and I had enough reason not to hang up yet, cos i still have to wait for them for so long... Moreover, guo xiong later told me, he wun mind and he will only jokingly tease him tats all... he was the one who pick a fuss over nothing...

B'cos we argue, he turned so irresonable... at first he wanted to come to my house to pick mi up, which i think is fairly right since i will be kinda sian travelling so far... and he offered it himself... who knows, suddenly he changed his mind and said that he will only wait for mi at the Batok interchange... I was so pissed off! Really man.... this time round, I think I've got no wrong... So, i refused... and we argued and argued.... eventually, i gave way and said i will go to interchange, BUT he shall pay for my bus fare... haha... it was purposely on my part la... but i was pissed off, and he need to give way a bit too... but he turned more JERK... he said that he will not, and he will not even pay for my movie... and he ended up going to woodlands on his own...

he was already at Batok, but he purposely went back to woodlands without me! that, I can say, is definately unacceptable, and BAD.... but i still "ren"...
I went to woodlands, for guo xiong they all's sake.... i din wan to be seen as a person who go back on my words times and times.... if they had any misunderstanding of mi, it's time to stop....
so, i was on my way, and he called mi.... and he scolded me on the phone.... of cos i scolded him back.... and ended up he said he will not be there already, and he left.... So, when i reached, i was left alone cos the rest will meet mi later... and he purposely left mi alone, and did not care about mi or my feelings at all....

All these, are ENOUGH. I had enough... I dun wan to carry this burden anymore, and I dun wan to make silly efforts anymore.... i feel that these days that passed, i had put in enough effort.... wat i iwan, is not this....
And after talking to my friend Pauline.... she told mi to believe in GOD... and I decided to .... Sigh... of cos i still feel sad and angry.... but i think, its no use that i do anything.... let god decide...
so, we din contact tonight, and maybe for a long long time, we wun...
from now on, i need to focus on my life, and my own happiness...
I'll let GOD carry this burden for me, and I have to believe la.... GOD will show me a clear sign if things will work out.... Amen.